The Infamous MyLaLa!! xD

[Isabella Swan]

Date:: May 13th
Mood:: Exhausted
Listening To:: Beautiful - H.I.M.

*Le Sigh* Alrighty people! So I have had some P.M.s from people asking how my weekend went! Well, it went amazing. It went even faster than I thought it would and it pissed me off because when I was with my mom it took no time at all but the ride there and back was loooooooong as hell. For those of you who don't know, here is the tale.

My mom has Chronic Lymphocetic Leukimia [CLL]. She is dying. For the past year and a half she has been in residential care in a hospital. Up until about August of last year she was in Tennessee for the treatment, but because she was miserable without us around becuase we live in NY, the treatment was not taking effect. So the doctors had her moved here to NY... The closest they could get her was Beacon, NY. The thing about it is, that is four hours away. This is so much better than 14 hours. =] So, anyways, the state pays for tickets once a month for me, my brother, and my sister to go and see her. The only issue with the bus ride is the length, because it is Greyhound, they stop at other places. So the four hour ride takes seven hours in total, one way. We get to see my mom for about six hours and then we leave for the month. She cries every time. It kills us.

So anyways, we saw her this month the day before mother's day. It was amazing. We sat and ate and she even got little pizza's for us because both my brother and my birthday was this month so we had a little party. She had asked my g-ma to order presents for us and send them to her, she got me an amazing book and she got my brother one too. =] She asked the nurses and they came in with twinkie cakes, it was adorable. So, that was awesome, and since the weather was nice we got to go outside too and Mikhaila played on the little playground that was out there for the visitors. It was so much fun, we made her mother's day cards and we played LIFE and about 10 games of cards and 4 games of UNO. It was amazing. I hated to leave her.

She should be out of the hospital in August. Only 93 days away!!! HURAY!!! As we always say to each other Un Giorno Pui vicino. =] One day closer. I love my mom so much and she is my guiding light, without her I would be lost.

So, anyways, my brother is here and he has been since the trip, he is leaving tomorrow afternoon to go home so that is why I have not posted too much, because I have been having fun with him. We had a bond fire and made smores galore the night before last. I got ice-cream today and that was fun, yesterday we went bowling and I fell on my knee, it sucked because I purposely forgot to wear my knee brace [Chris if you read this don't kill me please. <3 ]. So my knee is killing me right now and I have an 8mile walk with my best friend Craig tomorrow that is going to kill it even more.

Anyways, so, I know I owe some people posts. So here are the threads that I am in under all my characters and when they have a check mark [√] beside them that means I have posted in them for ya'll!! Okies!!

For Edward::
» What You See - As Rosalie
» Thoughts Run Wild - As Bella √

For Jasper::
» Not Only Edward Can Be A Chauffeur - As Bella

For Jacob::
» Just Dropping In - As Bella √

For Mike::
Work and Contemplation - As Bella √
*Postponed until Mike gets Back*

For Alice::
» No Baseball Today - As Bella

For Jon::
» A Somewhat Interview - As Bella √

For Emmett::
» Some Time Alone - As Rosalie √

For Angela::
» A Chance to Meet - As Bella √

[Isabella Swan]

Date:: May 15th
Mood:: Hurt
Listening To:: What About Now - Daughtry

Alrighty people. Time for another message from me! *Sighs* So, for the past few days life has been no less than hectic as hell. Hence the reason I have not posted. But I will, I will do my posting tomorrow, I do not care if my fingers start to bleed, I will be updated by the time I fall into bed tomorrow night, not just here, I'll try to be updated on the other sites I have, like MM for those of you who are from there. I know I have a lot of work to do and any of you who know me know that this is not like me. I am not one to ever be behind on posts and this bothers me. I will get them done, I promise.

So, why has my life been so hectic? Well, the first thing that is bothering me is the fact that the doctors are telling me one thing one day and then one thing the other. There is this hospital in Albion which is only about an hour and a half from me and I am working to get my mom there but they would have to lay her over in a crappy place for a night in order to get things done and I do not want her to be there because of her immune system. So I am arguing with them about that and I want to kick the shit out of some people at the hospital. *Le Sigh*

Another issue would be my ever famous boyfriend Mike. Now, some people know about him and the issues I have dealt with because of him, namely Chris... Now, Chris told me that if something like Mike ignoring me happens again that I should not forgive him and break up with him. Well, he is not ignoring me... It is just that my friend Craig, someone who I have been friends with since before I even met Mike is home from college. I have not seen him in like three months and I have missed him dearly. The thing is, I was supposed to go and see him on Wednesday for a little while but Tuesday night Mike and I got into a fight over it. Craig and I tried to date about three years ago and it did not work. We decided we were much better as friends. So we got closer as friends. Mike thinks that I only go out of my way to see my guy friends, what he does not seem to get is where I live I only have one friend who is a girl and that is because most of the people in this town are preppy bitches - no offense to preps but the ones here are terrible. I have a lot of friends who are girls in Rochester [lol Rosalie. xD] but I do not see them that often because I live like an hour or more from them!! So when I get to see Craig I try to see him ASAP. He wonders why I do this with Craig but not with Sarah [friend who is a girl in this shithole town] and I have tried to tell him it is because Sarah's mom does not like me! Sarah's mom thinks I instilled 'rebellion' into her daughters system. I of course disagree and my argument is that I did not instill it, it was already there, I just gave her the courage to show it. 0 = 3 So yeah. Mommy no likey me. So back to the fight. I tried to explain myself and he kept interrupting with the 'I don't care' bullshit. Now, I turned this to him now and asked him if he still loved me. Because lately I'll ask him if he does and his reply is a simple, monotone, "Yup." You can see why I do not believe him. So I am starting to wonder.

Alrighty, another issue. I live with Mike and his family because as you know my mom is in the hospital and my dad lives... *Counts* About 1,000 miles away in Georgia, where I was born. >.> I have put off college for Mike THREE TIMES and now that I want to leave his parents house he tells me he is not ready to leave. I told him that was fine, he is always welcome here, me on the other hand, I was brought here on a conditional basis. The condition being that I find some place to go. It is not the spring and I have a chance to move out with the money I have saved up. My brother and his roommates are not doing well and we are going to get a place together, Mike thought I was going to make him move out of here, I told him I was not that if he wanted to live with me and my brother that it was entirely fine, if he wished to stay with his parents that was great too, I would not hold it against him. So I told him that I needed to move out of here because I am a burden to his family even though I pay to stay here. I told him that I was going to move out soon so that I could get out of his parents hair, and then I added. "Whether or not I will be getting out of yours as well is entirely up to you." And I rolled over and was silently hoping for a rebuttal. Him telling me he does not want me out of his hair or SOMETHING. I got nothing. *FaceDesk.* I am such a fool.

So, anyways. I'll be getting to those posts and everything. I love coming here and getting out of my real world hell. I miss my mom, I miss my family. I want to leave here and start my life but so much must be done for me to do any of that. I feel like I am treading water. The song I am listening to is ironic. I want to stay with Mike and before our love is gone I want him to know how much I need him with me. But it is hard to think about that when there is so much happening. I am lost and I wish I was found, but I'll never be. I don't think I'll ever be safe from all of this...