Post by Edward Cullen on May 15, 2008 20:07:30 GMT -5
June 24th, 2008.
13:19pm AEST
Current status: Blank.
Current Area: School.
Tuning in, what's on: DBSK- Like Now.
Dear Goodbye to the Sun,
Oh wow, it's been a while since I've been on. But the holidays are coming up and so is my birthday. sigh.
I'm not sure how often I'll be able to post then. Considering as part of treatment my internet connection at home has been murdered and therefore I can't be as active as I was in the past, for now.
When I first started this journal I promised to give an explanation for my sudden absence.
So to explain...
School has been hell. Fairly liveable. But still, hell. There has not been a day where I could walk around the campus where teachers bombard with the same old- " How are you?" ... or... " Don't worry about your assessments, just worry about yourself right now." As if they truly cared. All they care about is cashing in at the end of the week. Like I said, fairly liveable. But even better; all forms of shrinks are coming from left, right and center putting on their fake smiles. But of course, the fear in their eyes you can see. It's written all over their face of how "concerned" they are with me. In other words, how they want to make decisions for MY life and ignore my thoughts on the situation.
So now, I'm studying like a crazy person. Just continuing being tenacious. I suppose it's my vendetta to them that I don't need their help and to just tell them to **** off.
Parents.... still the same, never accepting, never understanding. Although, my mom and I did talk last night. More like a scream off. Her blaming me, me blaming me. As per usual.
On a lighter note, I suppose there has been some good things that has come from these last couple of months.
For you see, three years ago my mother forced me to join a youth group called YFC. Anyways, I've rarely enjoyed going and when I say rarely... I mean never at all.
For the last couple of months I've been going because I've been staying with the leader of the group while my parents were overseas (yes, I can be trusted at home by myself. No, psychiatrists don't trust me at home by myself because I have a self harm record). Well, the leader- Mac has an obligation to go every single time there is an event. Which on average is every other day or every three days or so. So, I too have an obligation to fulfill.
About a month or so ago, there was an event called Pre-Con (Outloud) that was like a competition to represent New South Wales for GLF. I was chosen to perform in band because they thought I was the best piano/keyboard player in the group. (If you've been playing for a decade, I suppose they would think that I guess?... My mothers obsession with the piano).
Anyways. One day, I received an email confirming the members of the band and what instruments everyone was playing and what song needed to be rehearsed before the final performance. As well, as the venue it was going to be held at for the first practise. As I logged on MSN I noticed that one person from the band added me. Kevin. I never really payed much attention to him, as far as I was concerned he was a newbie in YFC. Him, having joined a year ago and also the fact that he played the guitar for our chapter. As for how much he knew about me, I'm not entirely sure. To make sure, I asked who it was and he confirmed it. We chatted a bit and he seemed like a really trustworthy person. It was weird because I'd never talked to him before hand, I just saw him in all of the YFC events. Shortly I had to leave the conversation to study language and we knew we'd see each other the next day for the practise at Eric's. So I logged off. That was it, nothing.
Soon, after all the practises... we got to know each other. And I told him about me, the real me. It was nothing I've ever encountered before, perhaps it was like a mysterious connection. We also talked every night via the phone. He'd call me at like midnight cause he knew of my non- sleeping habits and poor thing; he'd try and stay up for as long as he could. But then, I would tell him to sleep because he had school the next day. And then we hung out a lot.
Back up a bit:
Some facts about Kevin (after I got to know him):
Name: Kevin
Age: 17
Other facts:
- Last year of high school.
- Head boy of his school.
- Plays the guitar.
- Best friends: Eric, Tun and Kwim.
The funniest thing I've heard, when I'd asked him how come I'd never spoken to him beforehand. He responded saying that I was: really quiet, mysterious, very intimidating and really really pretty?? (lies)
And as many times I told him to leave he wouldn't... Reason for my dramatic behaviour... I'm not exactly stable and I tend to corrupt peoples lives. But he was being so stubborn and he refused to hear any of it.
Recently, the leaders of YFC have told me not to pursue him. So I haven't... but I've wanted to OH SO BADLY. But, then they started talking to him and I suppose I should be happy that he's listening but I'm not...
He said that he loved me as a sister and that's all. Ironic as it was, it was exactly the same words that Mac had said to me...." You're only a sister and that's only it can be."
I've been talking to Tun about it and all... and I saw him yesterday and ignored him.
Perhaps I should make him realise what he's missing out on ?! lols.
So. peoples What the hell should I do now ?!
Please PM me on your thoughts or advice.
..
GTTS;; I'll keep you posted ^^
13:19pm AEST
Current status: Blank.
Current Area: School.
Tuning in, what's on: DBSK- Like Now.
Dear Goodbye to the Sun,
Oh wow, it's been a while since I've been on. But the holidays are coming up and so is my birthday. sigh.
I'm not sure how often I'll be able to post then. Considering as part of treatment my internet connection at home has been murdered and therefore I can't be as active as I was in the past, for now.
When I first started this journal I promised to give an explanation for my sudden absence.
So to explain...
School has been hell. Fairly liveable. But still, hell. There has not been a day where I could walk around the campus where teachers bombard with the same old- " How are you?" ... or... " Don't worry about your assessments, just worry about yourself right now." As if they truly cared. All they care about is cashing in at the end of the week. Like I said, fairly liveable. But even better; all forms of shrinks are coming from left, right and center putting on their fake smiles. But of course, the fear in their eyes you can see. It's written all over their face of how "concerned" they are with me. In other words, how they want to make decisions for MY life and ignore my thoughts on the situation.
So now, I'm studying like a crazy person. Just continuing being tenacious. I suppose it's my vendetta to them that I don't need their help and to just tell them to **** off.
Parents.... still the same, never accepting, never understanding. Although, my mom and I did talk last night. More like a scream off. Her blaming me, me blaming me. As per usual.
On a lighter note, I suppose there has been some good things that has come from these last couple of months.
For you see, three years ago my mother forced me to join a youth group called YFC. Anyways, I've rarely enjoyed going and when I say rarely... I mean never at all.
For the last couple of months I've been going because I've been staying with the leader of the group while my parents were overseas (yes, I can be trusted at home by myself. No, psychiatrists don't trust me at home by myself because I have a self harm record). Well, the leader- Mac has an obligation to go every single time there is an event. Which on average is every other day or every three days or so. So, I too have an obligation to fulfill.
About a month or so ago, there was an event called Pre-Con (Outloud) that was like a competition to represent New South Wales for GLF. I was chosen to perform in band because they thought I was the best piano/keyboard player in the group. (If you've been playing for a decade, I suppose they would think that I guess?... My mothers obsession with the piano).
Anyways. One day, I received an email confirming the members of the band and what instruments everyone was playing and what song needed to be rehearsed before the final performance. As well, as the venue it was going to be held at for the first practise. As I logged on MSN I noticed that one person from the band added me. Kevin. I never really payed much attention to him, as far as I was concerned he was a newbie in YFC. Him, having joined a year ago and also the fact that he played the guitar for our chapter. As for how much he knew about me, I'm not entirely sure. To make sure, I asked who it was and he confirmed it. We chatted a bit and he seemed like a really trustworthy person. It was weird because I'd never talked to him before hand, I just saw him in all of the YFC events. Shortly I had to leave the conversation to study language and we knew we'd see each other the next day for the practise at Eric's. So I logged off. That was it, nothing.
Soon, after all the practises... we got to know each other. And I told him about me, the real me. It was nothing I've ever encountered before, perhaps it was like a mysterious connection. We also talked every night via the phone. He'd call me at like midnight cause he knew of my non- sleeping habits and poor thing; he'd try and stay up for as long as he could. But then, I would tell him to sleep because he had school the next day. And then we hung out a lot.
Back up a bit:
Some facts about Kevin (after I got to know him):
Name: Kevin
Age: 17
Other facts:
- Last year of high school.
- Head boy of his school.
- Plays the guitar.
- Best friends: Eric, Tun and Kwim.
The funniest thing I've heard, when I'd asked him how come I'd never spoken to him beforehand. He responded saying that I was: really quiet, mysterious, very intimidating and really really pretty?? (lies)
And as many times I told him to leave he wouldn't... Reason for my dramatic behaviour... I'm not exactly stable and I tend to corrupt peoples lives. But he was being so stubborn and he refused to hear any of it.
Recently, the leaders of YFC have told me not to pursue him. So I haven't... but I've wanted to OH SO BADLY. But, then they started talking to him and I suppose I should be happy that he's listening but I'm not...
He said that he loved me as a sister and that's all. Ironic as it was, it was exactly the same words that Mac had said to me...." You're only a sister and that's only it can be."
I've been talking to Tun about it and all... and I saw him yesterday and ignored him.
Perhaps I should make him realise what he's missing out on ?! lols.
So. peoples What the hell should I do now ?!
Please PM me on your thoughts or advice.
..
GTTS;; I'll keep you posted ^^
